Friday, December 16, 2011

Man v. Baby

So I just watched this video about teaching babies to survive in real-world drowning scenarios. It was creepy and weird, as my brother who introduced me to this video suggested it was. Needless to say a number of thoughts ran through my head regarding my own survival skills. Naturally, I am thinking of more real life situations, like, say, dropped off the coast of deserted island-type-things, not this bullshit backyard swimming pool stuff. Anybody can survive in a pool. People jump in them things for fun, right?
Anyways, I am not a strong swimmer by any means, nor am I particularly buoyant. So who would survive between me and one of these ISR trained babies? Let's look at the facts. I understand tides and currents,at least in a very basic capacity. The baby does not. I am fairly confident in my ability to eventually start a signal fire, which also aids in warmth and cooking. Not the baby. Speaking of cooking, I can cook, and I'm sure I would be able to gather some edible plants and/or berries to eat, if not hunt or trap some local wildlife for consumption and therefore, survival. I could, to some extent, dress my own wounds, search for or build shelter, and avoid or make diplomatic relations with potentially angry, restless natives. Baby is totally fucking striking out over here.
But, if of the two of us, only the baby would be able to swim to dry land, you may find yourself asking, "How the hell is any of this relevant?" I am completely aware of the one survival skill I lack. The skill of graceful navigation of/above water. Nonetheless I see me as the overall survivor of our little dilemma. Knowing full well that only one of us can possibly survive, and that once on the aforementioned island, I am the only one with the necessary skill set to etch out sustainable existence, there is but one logical move. I would flail my way to shore using the baby as my personal floatation device. And survive. Boom.

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